I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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