i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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