I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
