i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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