idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
