She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i now understand why vodka
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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