big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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