You're completely useless in the revolution.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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