I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
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Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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