And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
