She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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