My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
