Betty ford says i'm here all night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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