btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
