What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
