until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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