Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
