I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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