Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
