so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
