it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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