i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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