he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
