you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
