I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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