you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
