I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize