I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
