you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
