Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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