We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
