I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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