Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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