You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
