There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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