im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
