i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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