So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Everyone says I win the strip club
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
