I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
as a side note pls kill me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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