I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
