i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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