it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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