So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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