I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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