Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
