I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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