I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
