I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You smell like stripper and shame
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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