I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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