remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Someone shattered a urinal.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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