I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
