My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
