Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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