Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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