So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
