If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Randomize
