HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
