please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
