I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
