i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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