FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
