dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
