i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
