last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
